what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
