with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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