We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
