So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize