you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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