"it" just moved
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
