Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
