All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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