I must be too annoying 4 u.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
