there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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