put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
