im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
