This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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