1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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