just tell him i said nine months
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
