Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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