That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
