there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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