It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
