A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
