I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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