My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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