Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
