smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
