oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
