My room smells like vodka and shame
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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