We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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