I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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