I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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