Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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