why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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