That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
