She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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