I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
