I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
