Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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