im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize