She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
