i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
