You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
