Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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