I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
