Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
