You really coming over, don't trick.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
