as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
