I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize