in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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