so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
