Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
whose parrot is this?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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