My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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