Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
