Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
