Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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