I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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