Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
