you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
