so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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