i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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