I think i peed on brittanys purse
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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